Lovely, Doug. Just lovely. I especially appreciate the way pending death has a way of focusing our lives on what's important. This was very true as I cared for my husband until his death - and beyond. Past grievances no longer hold the importance they once did. You express it all so well. My prayer is that this continues to be a holy time for you and your mom (and your sisters and your whole family). Mortality and death are awful, and still God brings about transformation through it all. Blessings to you.
Deb, it's been so long. I'm honored that you read and that you took time to respond. I was aware that you took this journey too, though only through Facebook. Am glad for your friendship and your faith.
It is a hard time going through this, but bless you for being there for your mom. How wonderful that she can reaffirm her love for you over and over in this chapter of her life; and to claim what was good and let go of the struggles (marriage!). That in itself is a glimpse of heaven, where all is made whole and well. Thank you for your eloquent and heartfelt article, Doug.
What a sweet tribute to a lovely mom. It resonates well with my own memories of my Mom's last days: She was so grateful we were there for her in that time. But, because she could no longer tell us in words we could understand, she told us in ways we would.
Thank you, Dieke. I'm discovering that many have had similar experiences, which is gratifying to know. But one doesn't understand until one experiences it personally. Miss you.
What a beautiful gift to spend time with your mother. Ask her all kinds of things about her childhood and her parents. I still think of things now and wish I could ask Mom. Thank you so much for sharing this gift with us. Sweet blessings to you and your Mom.
We've had time to talk about those things! But I know I will think of something I should have asked her when she's gone. Thanks for being a reader, Leannah.
This entry will hit close to home for so many of us who are going through the same or about to with our elderly parents. The silent generation was particularly cheated out of valuable time due to lockdowns. My aunt just died last week at the age of 97, and the only thing that mattered to her was that last moment when she opened her eyes for the last time and saw that she was surrounded by her children, and she smiled. It's a shame we have to say good-bye to these dear old gals. Very sad. Hugs to you, Doug.
Yes, I can see in the comments section and in email responses that many people have been down this road before. You're right about the dear old gals. On my mom's floor, the women outnumber the men by 10 to 1. My dad would not have wanted to live where my mom is living. Would have just hated it! Thanks for being a reader!
Thanks for sharing, Doug. My Mom passed two years ago. Her stay at Hospice was necessary, and a blessing. Your words take me back to the simple goodnesses we shared.
Thanks for being a reader, Tom. I'm discovering this morning that many, many people have shared in this experience. Slightly different stories, but underneath much the same. I'm glad you were able to share those "simple goodnesses."
This is so lovely, and so relatable. Such an interesting observation about the ways we seem to remember the goodness of our past. Even now in my 70’s I seem to curate the past and remember so much that was good. I’m thinking this is a form of grace. Thanks for writing and sharing this heartfelt essay.
Beautifully written, experienced, and reflected on, Doug. Thanks for this. I, too, know the grace of a mom who had plenty of moments to feel otherwise in my life. Your reflection was good for me to remember, too. God bless you all in the weeks and months ahead!
Thanks for writing this and sharing it with us. Your Mom is blessed to have such a graceful aging and even though she is forgetting, having her son and daughters visit obviously makes her happy. She is rightly proud of her son, and you are a constant reminder to her that she did her job well, and she helped you to be a success, and a good person. My own mother is 98, still living in her home, with lots of visits by my siblings, and has had a good life. She is also forgetting things, and although sad to see, it is a natural part of aging for most. It is wonderful for both of you, that you live close enough to visit often.
Thanks for this, Tom. She wasn't at all happy when I told her that I was going to the Hague for much of 2022-2023. She was worried that she would die while I was away. For being able to be here, I am thankful too. Another bit of grace.
Dear Doug. Please cherish every second you have with your mother. My mother’s Dementia stripped my mother off her smiles and speech in the later months which broke my heart as I could see the frustration on her forehead frown and in her eyes of panic. Mother’s Dementia started when she had a spine surgery where it deprived her of her smile and proper speech (one of the doc off record stated that they gave her too much anesthesia which effected her brain) in June 2021 and then ofcourse the Covid didn’t help where constant masking deprived mom from breathing inhaling oxygen properly and vaccine. Mother was only 80 when she passed away at our home on Sept 12 2023. It’s hard not having to hug, see or kiss mother. On August 1st she had a reaction to an antibiotic called Azithromycin which then she ended up in ER and went into cardiac arrest (and she was given Fentanyl and Propofal by ER peops) to which she survived but ended up on life support and feeding tube etc … I brought her home on Aug 25th and I had her till that faithful day of when she transitioned. It’s so hard as I miss her so much every day and after living together for 26 after father passed away, it was the hardest relationship breakup for me ever! My heart is broken and even tears fill my eyes as I write this…so please please for your sake spend as much time as possible with your beautiful mother though she is in good condition and is able to smile and speak….GOD bless her and may GOD give you the strength for the day where the inevitable happens it’s the hardest moment where you question yourself about what could I have done differently to save her! STAY BLESSED & THANK YOU FOR BEING A BLESSING FOR SO MANY OF US!
I remember your mom, Mandana, and your devotion to her. You were blessed to have her in your life, and I can (just begin to) understand how her loss has been so difficult.
Indeed it’s been incredibly hard …everyday like an uncontrollable river 😭 and yet in public I keep it together and put on my pocker face. Thank you for your kind words and wish you much strength. 🙏
Thanks for publishing, Doug. I so enjoy reading your articles!
Thanks, Leannah! Miss you.
Thank you this writing, it beautiful. It's a journey none of us want to take...prayers of strength for the journey.
Lovely, Doug. Just lovely. I especially appreciate the way pending death has a way of focusing our lives on what's important. This was very true as I cared for my husband until his death - and beyond. Past grievances no longer hold the importance they once did. You express it all so well. My prayer is that this continues to be a holy time for you and your mom (and your sisters and your whole family). Mortality and death are awful, and still God brings about transformation through it all. Blessings to you.
Deb, it's been so long. I'm honored that you read and that you took time to respond. I was aware that you took this journey too, though only through Facebook. Am glad for your friendship and your faith.
It is a hard time going through this, but bless you for being there for your mom. How wonderful that she can reaffirm her love for you over and over in this chapter of her life; and to claim what was good and let go of the struggles (marriage!). That in itself is a glimpse of heaven, where all is made whole and well. Thank you for your eloquent and heartfelt article, Doug.
Thank you, Kathy!
What a sweet tribute to a lovely mom. It resonates well with my own memories of my Mom's last days: She was so grateful we were there for her in that time. But, because she could no longer tell us in words we could understand, she told us in ways we would.
Thank you, Dieke. I'm discovering that many have had similar experiences, which is gratifying to know. But one doesn't understand until one experiences it personally. Miss you.
Doug, what a gift. My mom made it to 97. We sang hymns together during her last days. Your comments resonate with me.
She asks me to pray with her (even though she can't hear what I'm saying), but she has never asked me to sing. What a touching memory.
What a beautiful gift to spend time with your mother. Ask her all kinds of things about her childhood and her parents. I still think of things now and wish I could ask Mom. Thank you so much for sharing this gift with us. Sweet blessings to you and your Mom.
We've had time to talk about those things! But I know I will think of something I should have asked her when she's gone. Thanks for being a reader, Leannah.
This entry will hit close to home for so many of us who are going through the same or about to with our elderly parents. The silent generation was particularly cheated out of valuable time due to lockdowns. My aunt just died last week at the age of 97, and the only thing that mattered to her was that last moment when she opened her eyes for the last time and saw that she was surrounded by her children, and she smiled. It's a shame we have to say good-bye to these dear old gals. Very sad. Hugs to you, Doug.
Yes, I can see in the comments section and in email responses that many people have been down this road before. You're right about the dear old gals. On my mom's floor, the women outnumber the men by 10 to 1. My dad would not have wanted to live where my mom is living. Would have just hated it! Thanks for being a reader!
The hardest journey, thank you for sharing and enjoy the days remaining together...
Thanks for being a reader, Mark.
Thanks for sharing, Doug. My Mom passed two years ago. Her stay at Hospice was necessary, and a blessing. Your words take me back to the simple goodnesses we shared.
Thanks for being a reader, Tom. I'm discovering this morning that many, many people have shared in this experience. Slightly different stories, but underneath much the same. I'm glad you were able to share those "simple goodnesses."
This is so lovely, and so relatable. Such an interesting observation about the ways we seem to remember the goodness of our past. Even now in my 70’s I seem to curate the past and remember so much that was good. I’m thinking this is a form of grace. Thanks for writing and sharing this heartfelt essay.
I'm so pleased and touched that you're a reader.
Thankful for your mother's legacy and long life...typing from GR airport on my way to D.C. Appreciate you my friend
I hope we can talk when you get back!
Thank you, Catrina. It's good to hear from you.
Beautifully written, experienced, and reflected on, Doug. Thanks for this. I, too, know the grace of a mom who had plenty of moments to feel otherwise in my life. Your reflection was good for me to remember, too. God bless you all in the weeks and months ahead!
Thanks for writing this and sharing it with us. Your Mom is blessed to have such a graceful aging and even though she is forgetting, having her son and daughters visit obviously makes her happy. She is rightly proud of her son, and you are a constant reminder to her that she did her job well, and she helped you to be a success, and a good person. My own mother is 98, still living in her home, with lots of visits by my siblings, and has had a good life. She is also forgetting things, and although sad to see, it is a natural part of aging for most. It is wonderful for both of you, that you live close enough to visit often.
Thanks for this, Tom. She wasn't at all happy when I told her that I was going to the Hague for much of 2022-2023. She was worried that she would die while I was away. For being able to be here, I am thankful too. Another bit of grace.
Dear Doug. Please cherish every second you have with your mother. My mother’s Dementia stripped my mother off her smiles and speech in the later months which broke my heart as I could see the frustration on her forehead frown and in her eyes of panic. Mother’s Dementia started when she had a spine surgery where it deprived her of her smile and proper speech (one of the doc off record stated that they gave her too much anesthesia which effected her brain) in June 2021 and then ofcourse the Covid didn’t help where constant masking deprived mom from breathing inhaling oxygen properly and vaccine. Mother was only 80 when she passed away at our home on Sept 12 2023. It’s hard not having to hug, see or kiss mother. On August 1st she had a reaction to an antibiotic called Azithromycin which then she ended up in ER and went into cardiac arrest (and she was given Fentanyl and Propofal by ER peops) to which she survived but ended up on life support and feeding tube etc … I brought her home on Aug 25th and I had her till that faithful day of when she transitioned. It’s so hard as I miss her so much every day and after living together for 26 after father passed away, it was the hardest relationship breakup for me ever! My heart is broken and even tears fill my eyes as I write this…so please please for your sake spend as much time as possible with your beautiful mother though she is in good condition and is able to smile and speak….GOD bless her and may GOD give you the strength for the day where the inevitable happens it’s the hardest moment where you question yourself about what could I have done differently to save her! STAY BLESSED & THANK YOU FOR BEING A BLESSING FOR SO MANY OF US!
I remember your mom, Mandana, and your devotion to her. You were blessed to have her in your life, and I can (just begin to) understand how her loss has been so difficult.
Indeed it’s been incredibly hard …everyday like an uncontrollable river 😭 and yet in public I keep it together and put on my pocker face. Thank you for your kind words and wish you much strength. 🙏